“You’ve given up on dad, haven’t you mum?”
“Try that strawberry slice. You’ll love it.”
“Mum! I’m serious. You’ve given up on dad, haven’t you?”
“Don’t be so silly. You’ll understand relationships better when you’ve been married to Brad as long as dad and I’ve been married.”
“Mum, I don’t want to end up like you and dad. I don’t want to give up on Brad like you’ve given up on dad.”
“This really isn’t a nice way to have a mother – daughter catch up. Can’t we talk about something nicer?”
“It was auntie Barbara that made me see it?”
“What does my silly sister have to say about my marriage? It’s none of her business!”
“No, she hasn’t said anything. But I’ve been watching. When uncle Max was diagnosed last year I saw auntie Barbara change overnight. Suddenly she was caring and kind to him. I’d never seen her like that before.”
“Well, the poor old goat gave us all a scare there for a while.”
“Yes, but it showed me that auntie Barbara had given up on him. She’d kind of cornered him out of her life, until he took sick.”
“Well, your uncle is a difficult man. I tried to warn her, but she thought she knew best. She got what she deserved as far as I’m concerned. She could have had a gentleman, but she fell for Mad Max.”
“Mum. You’ve frozen dad out of your life.”
“That is a terribly impertinent thing to say!”
“Mum, it’s true. You avoid him. You don’t like him. You frown at him, mock him and find any excuse to be away from him. You’ve given up on dad.”
“I haven’t given up on him. I’m still with him, aren’t I? God knows how hard that is at times.”
“I don’t want to give up on Brad.”
“Well, my dear, men aren’t always what they seem. And you put your hopes in them and they let you down. Your fantasies won’t change the realities of life.”
“So, are you angry at dad?”
“No! I’m not angry. I may be disappointed, but I’m not angry. I got over that years ago.”
“But you gave up on him.”
“You keep saying that and it’s not true. I’m still married to him. I still cook his meals, wash his clothes and we still go to bed together.”
“Mum I care about Brad. I want him to be happy. I want him to succeed. I want him to be delighted in me. But you don’t feel that way about dad.”
“It’s called growing up. Or call it ‘reality check’ if you want. Brad is not going to be the man you want him to be.”
“Maybe so, but I still don’t want to give up on him.”
“Well, we’ll see about that.”
“I made a promise to love him for better and for worse. If I start to despise him isn’t that because I’m thinking about myself and not him?”
“Do you know how difficult it is to live with dad? We always talked about moving into a bigger house and now he’s set on staying where we are because he likes it here. And he still sings Sinatra songs in the toilet, at the top of his voice. The neighbours tell me that Frankie was in good voice this morning. I know we can afford to go to Bali, but he just doesn’t want to go. I’ve given up a lot to be married to your father.”
“Mum, you’re talking like dad owes you something. Your talking like it’s all about YOU.”
“Well, I have a right to be happy. ‘The pursuit of happiness’; isn’t that what life is all about?”
“Mum, if you are living for yourself then of course you’ll despise dad. But if you saw yourself as dad’s treasure, you wouldn’t give up on him.”
“Honey, I didn’t plan to give up. But your dad is impossible. Do you know he still puts his elbows on the table, after all these years? I’ve had to give up nagging him, because he just ignores me. And he still wipes his hands on my clean tea-towels and then leaves them bunched on the bench. I think he just does that to infuriate me. If I didn’t ‘give up’ as you put it, I’d have gone crazy by now.”
“Mum, I believe I am God’s gift to Brad. I am his helper. So I have to help HIM, not myself. I want to bless him, for who he is, even though he won’t be all I want him to be.”
“Well you just keep at that as long as you can, honey, because I don’t see you keeping that attitude for very long.”
“Mum, I don’t want to discover that I can love him, and care for him, and put up with his foibles just because they gave him a few months to live. If I can do it because he’s dying then I can do it while he’s strong and healthy too, can’t I?”
“You’re a good girl. You’ve always been idealistic. So what can I say? Yes, you can do it. You go ahead and do it.”
“Mum, would you help me?”
“Your relationship with Brad is your own business. I don’t believe in meddling in my children’s marriages.”
“Mum, would you show me how to not give up? Would you show me that you can still care for dad, even though he annoys you as much as he does?”
“That’s a big ask, my dear. I don’t want to make that kind of promise.”
“Then, would you let us work together? Maybe if we help each other we can both learn how to never give up on our husbands.”
